SEO Tools Poem

I am in my cave, and looking out kind of furtive,
The reason being, psychologically, I am low assertive,
It seems to me with dinosaurs just outside the cave,
Its entirely reasonable now, to be anything but brave,
But the tribal psychiatrist insists that I must face my fears,
And he issued me with stones, and little wooden spears,
And so I went out bravely, into the land of fools,
And got quickly eaten because I lacked the proper tools.

”You see things haven’t changed much,” the tutor whispered sage,
”Psychiatry still screws up, no matter what millennium or age”,
He pauses for best effect, and to let the chuckles die,
”What was needed was a plan, and the means to try.”
”So they tried all sorts of weapons, all sorts of cunning ruse,
But they always ended up, as just amusing little chews,
And just when they were despondent, try as they might,
Along came Dinosaur disaster, in a great big meteorite.”

”So there’s a lesson in the parable, of your cavemen of old,
Don’t listen to the shrinks and to anything you are told,
For if you are to triumph, over the odds against the rules,
You will need a bigger club, or ideally 21st century tools,
We don’t have dinosaurs now with which to fight,
But PCs and internets where things have to be right,
So ignore your Psychiatrist when problems rear their head,
Just go and see your Guru, and use his tools instead.”

The poem you just heard and wondered at in awe,
Is a totally new creation and not cribbed from one before,
And the Tutor is a Fowler, mentioned on the training pages,
Who uses methods slightly more in tune to current ages,
There may not be any dinosaurs lurking on your drive,
But these days a super virus may be all too much alive,
And though Google isn’t Pterodactyl proof, it avoids bad links,
And dodgy linking areas, and your ranking quickly sinks.

So crawl out of your cave and click on the link to tools,
That validate bad html and make your website cool,
That check your viability and show you where you are,
And put you back in charge, instead of watching from afar,
Google will love you, the more you do right and sound,
And these tools will pare away all that is not allowed,
And should you need an expert we are here never doubt,
Not with psychiatric counseling, but with proper technical clout.

One day I stepped outside my cave, and the creatures were in shock,
For I hadn’t brought a little spear, hadn’t primed up my flintlock,
Hadn‘t sharpened up my arrows, with my trusty longbow in tow,
Hadn’t brought a big pistol or a nasty grenade to throw,
No I had brought a massive tank, and though it was overkill,
I flattened all the bloody creatures that ever wished me ill,
And so instead of cowering, like me come out clanking,
And visit the Gurus tools site, and develop your prime ranking.